In review: Mama


So I went and saw Mama directed by Andres Mucshietti, the newest production by Guillermo Del Toro. Based on the other films I’ve seen in this kind of relationship, for example The Orphanage or Julia’s Eyes I was expecting creepy creepy creepy! And yes that’s what I got.

However, that being said, I also didn’t expect this film to be so cheesy in parts. The audience was laughing in multiple scenes. As was I. My friend who I saw it with even pointed out that there were several parts where he fully expected “Thriller” to come on and for the actors to break out into Michael Jackson dancing. That would actually make a great rule to the whole drinking game thing I love to do in horror movies, so add that to the general list of rules for this particular film.

The film has no gore, so to speak, and lots of creepy “ahhhh!” moments, which I am happy about as, although I love gore, we all know its not particularly frightening.

I also appreciated the fact that this film didn’t strive for a 100% happy ending, but I wont say anything other than that as that would give away too many spoilers.

My only problem with this film is that there was no REAL mystery. We see the “ghost” straight off the bat, so we basically know her deal before it even begins. There’s no contest that this is a ghost we are dealing with. The whole exploration and delving into old files, that are obligatory, with any horror movie seems forced and unnecessary. The entire back-story was forced and definitely nothing new. And to be real for a moment the ghosts “portal” into our world looked like a bloody vagina on the wall. Not scary, just funny.

To be honest, the trailer for this film was more terrifying than the film itself.

In conclusion, while this film brought some good spooks it was still dealing with an old genre, a tired one that has been played out now. I think it’s time for something fresh and new, outside of children and ghosts. I don’t know what that is, but when I see it we’ll all know from a stellar review. Although it may be a while yet as it seems we are still dealing with the 3D craze and old genres. 2o12 was a seriously disappointing year for horror, if this is a glimpse of things to come in 2013, then I’m not hopeful. Oh well, if we all play by my drinking games it will be a drunk year at the very least.


Listmania: 10 Epic Death Scenes

Who doesn’t love a really good death scene? I tried to pick here less of the mindless gore that I’m accustomed to, but scenes which had a lasting impression because they were so shocking. I call them epic because they surprised us in some way, we honestly did NOT see that coming, and maybe uttered a “DAMN” when it happened.

Definitely contains spoilers.

Okay let’s begin! In no particular order:

1) Billy, The Departed


Things never go quite right for poor Billy do they? Just when it seems like things are finally wrapped up and going his way an unfortunate elevator ride has to happen…

2) Marvin, Pulp Fiction


Did anyone see this coming? No way! Due to the nonlinear nature of the film, any hints were hidden, the fact that Marvin survived the first massacre seemed a miracle, and then this.

3) Oscar, Enter the Void


Unless you read the synopsis before watching the film, this is a pretty unexpected death. I mean, killing off the main character 30 minutes in who we’ve essentially had first person POV privileges with? Not your most conventional approach.

4) Anonymous, Cube 


The movie opens, a man moves through a creepy cube hesitantly, what is he so afraid of? We soon find out.

5)Russell Franklin, Deep Blue Sea


After an inspiring speech, it’s Samuel L. to save the day! Or not.

6) Palmer, The Thing


What is the Thing? A horrible alien monster from outer-space that grotesquely mutates its victims. How do you find out who is infected by the thing? The Infamous blood-testing scene – made me jump the first time I saw it!

7) Bill Murray, Zombieland


Both hilarious and tragic. Who really thought that he’d get shot in the film after a heroic cameo? I mean it’s Bill Fucking Murray after all!

8) Blanche, Drive


There’s a lot of love, and a lot of hate for this film. But what’s never disputed is how unexpected this death is. Christina Hendricks getting her face blown off in slow motion, yeah! I had a “BUH” moment. It’s this death, amongst many, that really straps you in and sets the tone for the rest of the film.

9) Julian, Children of Men


Just when they’re getting their lives back together, an unexpected attack on the car which then turns into a thrilling and one of the most brilliantly filmed tracking shots I’ve ever seen.

10) Glen, A Nightmare on Elm Street


One of my personal favorite deaths in a film ever, Glen has waltzed through the film without any trouble from Freddy, but I guess no one is safe. Blood Smoothie anyone?

2013 Horror Movies: To Watch List

I was going to write a review of the newest installment in the Texas Chainsaw Franchise, this time in 3D Yeegads! But it was so terrible I don’t think even I can review it. Plus I was pretty drunk so I don’t remember any of the details anyways. Probably a good thing.

Instead, I’d like to list the horror movies I’m really looking forward to! The first and second are the only ones I’m really likely to see in theaters, the others are just a general mumble of interesting titles both possibly good and probably terrible.


1) Mama – I have high hopes for this one and hopefully it delivers. I’ve generally enjoyed most of the horrors Guillermo Del Toro produces, so at the very least I’m expecting to be thoroughly creeped out.

2) John Dies at the End – This looks seriously awesome. I think it will be a lot of fun. Drugs, traveling through space and time, non-humans…directed by the guy who did Bubba Ho-Tep what more do you need people!?

3) Carrie – I actually think this will be an awesome remake. I really like Chloe Moretz, and Julianne Moore is always good, I can see them making a really twisted mother-daughter team. At the very least it will hopefully be better than that sequel they made in the 90’s, I was only 10 when that shit came out and I still knew it was garbage.

4) The Call – Looks like more of a thriller than anything else, but still creepy and disturbing. Plus I’m a total sucker for some Halle Berry in a horror movie.

5) Dark Skies – Looks like the usual  Insidious-esque plot line. Formulaic but bound to have some creepy moments and maybe a few “eeeeks!”

6) The Last Exorcism Part II – I really thought I’d hate the first film when I originally went to see it, but you know what? I didn’t. I didn’t mind it, and I liked the “twist” ending which left me feeling seriously gross. Part II looks ridiculous and at the very least probably has some great jumpy moments.

7) The Green Inferno – Not even finished yet, but an Eli Roth film about travelers in Peru with Cannibals. Can’t wait! Seems like this is his kick these days, Aftershock is also coming out soon, but for some reason it failed to really grab my interest.